Let The Wooing Begin

Ya know, I think I'm an above average interviewee. I'd even go as far as to say that I'm pretty darn good at being interviewed. I dress appropriately, nod at the right times, always maintain eye-contact, look interested, ask the right questions, and make quirky banter about non-work stuff the interviewer and I have in common, like pets or hurricanes. So why then am I not juggling job offers?! I should need an entirely different phone line just to handle the overwhelming amount of calls from prospective employers trying to woo me. A woo line ~ that's what I should have. I should be like a Lending Tree, deftly deflecting all the offers. At this point I'd even settle for being a Lending Shrub.

So why am I not a shrubbery? I tell myself it's because there was someone equally qualified as myself that also applied for the position, and the HR person just chose the wrong person. I tell myself that because I don't want to believe that the reason I wasn't offered the position was because A.)I'm gay or B.)I'm not physically attractive. I could actually understand being turned down for the B reason if I was applying at Mode Magazine and they had already met their quota when they hired Betty Suarez, but Mode is one of the few places I haven't applied to!

So, to all the employers who haven't called because of A or B, shame on you! And I wouldn't work for a company whose employees are shallow, misoginistic, narrow-minded, sexist, agist, homophobic, pencil-dick twits!

Of course, if you haven't called yet because Marge the coffee lady just passed away or some other office calamity has befallen you, then just never-mind about the last few rantings. I was overcome with temporary stupid-headedness brought about by my ever-dwindling checking account. When would you like me to start? And I need November 5th off for the Bruce concert.