When she was younger, my mom had definite ideas about how her life should be. I don't think she ever sat around as a teenager dreaming of being married to a loser and working menial jobs her whole life. But instead of doing something about it, she just played the martyr. And she also had definite ideas of how my life would turn out. Again, I'm pretty sure they didn't include me moving to another country and falling prey to lesbian vampires who brainwashed me into thinking I could lead a happy, fulfilling life without a man.
It seemed like every time I called or went home for a visit, she would blame me for something else tragic that happened when I was 6 or 7. So, I just stopped calling or visiting. I decided that as an adult, I wasn't going to allow another adult (even a mom adult) to treat me that way. The good part is that now when she calls, she's civil. We have a nice "how's the weather" conversation and no blood is shed. The bad part is that we both missed out on a really important relationship in our lives. And before anybody gets that Lifetime movie "it's not too late to try" thought in their head ~ I have tried. Dozens of times.
I think our relationship is at the best possible place it has been in well over 20 years. I call her 4 or 5 times a year, on holidays and her birthday, and we have a politely strained conversation. So on this, the day of my mom's birth, I will spend the day grocery shopping for Vic's mom and spending the afternoon taking care of her.
Happy Birthday Mom.
4 comments:
I completely forgot that our moms share a birthday. Luckily, I didn't actually forget my mom's birthday this year (as I did a couple times in years gone by.)
We can share Mom's; you live closer to mine anyways. I miss you Casey and you just made me want to give you a hug.
I am sad for you, but you seem to have a really good attitude about it now. You have made the effort, and now it is up to her.
I know that some people will tell you to reconcile before it's too late, but sometimes it just isn't going to happen. My brother and I were estranged for seven years before he died.
That was deep. I hope it made you feel better to talk about it. You know we are always here for you. Love you & miss you. PS we have a new boob-rubber on the shift :)
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