Mama Mia

Casey Egg
Originally uploaded by wahoo1265.

I feel that the time is right for me to finally confess a secret I've kept hidden all these months. I am the mother of Anna Nicole's baby. That's right, Anna Nicole fertilized herself with one of my happy eggs and nine months later Little Whats-her-name was born. I wasn't going to say anything, but now that A.N. has gone to that great titty bar in the sky, I feel the maternal obligation to take care of Little Blah Blah Face. And before you naysayers roll your eyes in unbelieving distrust, my need to express my motherly instinct has nothing at all to do with the bajillions of dollars Little Whoozits is going to one day inherit and share with her as-yet-to-be-determined caregiver. No! It's just that now I am at a certain age when I feel the need to be a nurturer and now is the perfect opportunity for me to nurture away. I want to be there for Little Yadahoo and all the important events in her life. I want to be the one to choose the nanny and send her off to boarding school and pick her future celebrity rehab facility. I want to be there to help her buy a boat and take fabulous trips all over Europe where we'll spend scads of money on useless trinkets that we'll decorate our palatial multi-level mansion with. I really need to get in touch with Nancy Grace and have her air my plight on CNN. Or maybe I'll contact Oprah. This is just the kind of mother-daughter reunion story that pulls on her veiwers heartstrings. Or maybe that's Maury. Anyway, as god is my waitress, Little Hoo Hoo Face and I will be together soon. Hopefully she'll come potty trained.